Again, being tired, no fun pictures, but I'll make it up to y'all soon :-)
You know what I did kind of revisit today...and might I mention it was a surprise it occurred to me again, but I believe I'm too nice. Now, to ease some minds, this has nothing to do with my job...I feel like I am well respect there and love the people I work with. With that being said, it's in the rest of my life. Stepping out of my way to help others is second nature to me, but I am realizing there is the thin line of being taken advantage of. I do realize I need to learn to say no and to become a...well, adult? Not sure if that's the right word, but we'll go with that since half of my brain is up. I tend to smile and laugh so much, because it's who I am, but also I feel like I am not taken seriously some times...so, (and no I'm not going full throttle biatch) I think changes are necessary. I guarantee however, that it'll be small changes no one will even know ;-)...but I will.
Am I intimidating? I don't feel like I am, but I was told that I was today...ummm....what?
So, I have a quote book that I started when my friend from high school, Logan, died. he was my right hand man when it came to deep convos...the two of us would go all night talking until one of us would literally fall asleep. We started looking up quotes and saved those that would make us think and we'd talk about them for hours (nerds, yes, I know). My book has about 15 pages full of quotes, but my last entry was in September. In a way, I feel like I am losing touch with Logan as that's how I stay connected with him. I could honestly go for hours searching for the best quotes and selecting which would make it to my book. As another goal of mine this year, I want to complete my first book...but by that I mean having 'me' time. As most of you know I am constantly moving...always doing something. My me time is sleeping at this point, and to me that's an issue. So I want to try and search for a few quotes each day and complete it.
Straying from my quote book...Logan was an odd fellow. We were in the same middle school and knew of each other, but didn't talk until 9th grade. We had Earth Science (gag) together and we had assigned seats, but our teacher would have us pick a number out of a hat and you get how it worked. Anyways, it changed every 9 weeks and the second nine weeks I picked #1 and Logan picked #2...thus a friendship started. We found out we both were obsessed with the movie Aladdin and we LOVED to draw. During boring lectures, we'd listen to Aladdin songs on his mp3 and doddle . When the end of the 9 weeks were up, we were a little bummed we weren't gunna sit next to each other anymore. We drew numbers and oddly enough I drew #1 and Logan....#2. We remained tight until senior year...havin deep convos, hangin out, etc.
As college started a small group of us decided we should have little reunions when we came back on breaks to catch up. It was spring semester and we were all coming back for break and our reunion was scheduled for Thursday at CiCi's. I talked to Logan the Wednesday before (he went to an art college in GA) to make sure he was still coming...everything was set up, but he asked to switch it to Friday so he'd be sure to come. We sent some texts and Friday it was...the last thing he said to me was "Thanks, Nina. You're the best"...he died Thursday March 13, 2008.
I got the call in the morning when my best friend at the time called and said "Did you hear about Logan?" I said Logan who? He said "Your Logan..." I said no what? He proceeded to tell me he was in a car accident right outside of VA. I sat down, in the doorway of my room...shocked...confused...motionless for what seemed like hours. I couldn't get up...I didn't even want to.
Needless to say our reunion didn't happen...the memorial was set for that Sunday, the day I had to go back to school. I went....bawled the hardest I had bawled ever. That week, I was almost mute...I shut down and didn't want anyone in.
It got better to deal with until his birthday, April 22, came along. He would NEVER let me forget every year that he was exactly 12 days older than me. Every year around this time (Feb-May), I start to miss his quirky ways (he wore an actual fork as a bracelet), and art. I don't cry as much...more so, pray and tell him to send signs. His song was "Don't Stop Believin'" and it's always a sign to me when it comes on the radio.
Losing a close friend definitely changes your life forever...and I'm a truly luck to have had such a friend like Logan.
Rest in Peace my friend <3
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